3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
