i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
