My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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