I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
