2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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