there was a trapeze. enough said
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize