we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you win again, gameday.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
