Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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