I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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