your parents love me but you hate me
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
