This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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