I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
