Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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