Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
