Pappa wants mamma naked
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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