"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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