Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
