there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
