i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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