Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
