At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
PANTIES FOUND
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