I'm jealous of your bromance
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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