I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Every concussion has its silver lining
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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