You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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