But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
love makes seman taste better
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
