You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
