I cockslap morals
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
