her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
