I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
