I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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