If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
