mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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