He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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