STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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