Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
bring money and cleavage
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
