genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize