Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
