His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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