so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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