Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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