Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
