There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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