You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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