Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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