Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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