FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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