i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
