You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
