Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
