Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
