i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
