Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
