I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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