Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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