Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
