What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
