I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
