Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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