guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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