i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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