8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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