I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The power of my boobs compel you
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize