I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
