She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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