I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
