The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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