he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
