I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
