so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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