He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
