Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
