i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
