I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dicks are not precious.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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