I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
