shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
